My new chariot

Oh, I'm having such fun at my Grandparents house!

Firstly, my Grandpapa bought me a new chariot. It's a Maclaren (http://www.kiddicare.com/invt/macqstsptpccharcharsilgry?N=373), although I don't know what that means. My Momma and Daddy went completely nuts. They started doing wheelies (with me in it!), talking about manoeuvring, lightweightednes, suspension...yawn. As long as I'm dry and don't have to walk, then I'm OK. I get to face forward though and see the world. It's pretty fascinating, but why does it have to rain all the time?

So, I decided to reward my Grandpapa by screaming at him all day yesterday. Well, I was a bit tired, but he kept singing to me. I was so fascinated by his ability to hold a tune, yet forget all the words to every single song, I couldn't go to sleep. Also, when I scream, I can get some really nice cuddles from my Grammy!

Today, I decided to give them all a rest. I have discovered where my feet are today. I had a rough idea that they were below my head, but today I have located their exact position and am able to demonstrate this by grabbing them. It does make me roll about a bit though and that makes me dizzy and a bit nauseous.

Oh well, I have to get my stomach trained for when my parents take me on Thunder Mountain, Disneyland. Apparently, I'm not tall enough, that's why we haven't gone, yet.

Have a great weekend, folks,

Love

Benjamin
x

Roly Poly pudding and pie, kissed the girls and made them cry...

Hi there! I'm on holiday again at my grammy and grandpapas! I'm such a lucky boy! Now what's been happening this week?

Well, my parents have been playing it pretty low key. You know, staying in, watching moving images on a big black box (this contraption keeps them entertained for HOURS, so I can get up to much mischeif!!! Ho ho! Next time Momma does a white wash and wonders why all her white socks and Daddy's white t-shirts are now pink, that'll be me putting a strawberry in the washing machine!)

Speaking of food, that's all going well. I like this thing you call food. Momma tried to extend my palate once again and introduced something called a toe-pa-to. Or a po-to- ta. Silly name, really, for a silly vegetable. Once spoon full and I felt my mouth seize up and my tongue decided not to work for a couple of hours. Daddy told me that I'm really going to like potatoes in a few years time and I will constantly be demanding things called chips. He also said that if I was asking for these chip things in America where my Gramma Myzer and Auntie Sue live, then I'd be demanding french fries. (I know I know, I didn't get it either. They live in America, yet the things are French. Does that mean that the people in France called them Oz fries?) So, not a big fan of potatoes. Momma told me that all she's made for dinner whilst we stay at Grammy's house is potaoes. Yuk. It doesn't matter as my Grandpapa has promised to sneak me some singapore fried noodles when Momma's not looking.

The BEST thing about staying at my Grammy's house is that my Daddy has come too! Momma said we may even all share a bed. So there were 3 in the bed and the little one said (that's me) "Roll over, Roll over" (which, I have now proved to my Momma and Daddy that I can do, from Belly to back....I could do it ages ago but I couldn't be bother to tell them that I could. I can do all sorts of stuff, but I don't let on that I do as they'll be dubbing me Baby Einstein etc etc. Yawn!

Anyway, enough for now...more soon. My Grammys got Wifi at her house so I can blog from my travel cot!

Love

Benjamin
x

PS OH! And I'm really going to go on holiday with Momma, Daddy and Grammy. We're going to some place called Weymouth (which is pronouced Weigh-moth - silly English pronnounciations!) and I'm going to smell the sea air, lie on the beach and read my board book, and munch on fish and chips....(had better start liking potatoes I guess). We're not going until the end of next month, but I've got my swimming nappies packed already! Can't wait!

I'm forever blowing bubbles...

Long time no posts. My Momma has grumbled at me telling me that I'm being a lazy baby. Tsk. I'm a busy baby.

But I haven't forgotton you lot.

Last weekend, my Momma's friend came to stay and brought with her 2 small persons. I don't think they were quite adults yet, as even though they were shorter than the average Adult and they didn't have the "bossy-boots" aspect to their personalities. Isaac was a good laugh. He taught me all his tricks on how to outwit the Adults when I get older. Aggi was also nice. She fed me some milk (and snuck in a piece of chocolate when the Adults weren't looking! I want a sister now!)


After they came, Momma said she needed to rest and rest she did...for DAYS and DAYS. I mean, what is she going to be like when I start to walk? Doesn't she realise that I'm going to be "into" everything. If she was tired after a few days out with a couple of well behaved kids then she is going to be in trouble.

Anyway, the weather's been nice. I've taken a new philosophy in life. When I don't have anything to say, I just blow bubbles. It's quite a novel way of getting yourself out of tricky situations. E.g.

Momma: "Benjamin, why is there mud on my guitar"
Benjamin: "Aburrrrrrrrrrrrrb"

or

Daddy: "Benjamin, why don't you eat all your spinach up before you have ice cream"
Benjamin: "Grrrrbuuuuuuurrr"


You should all try it, you know. E.g.

Bank Manager: "Do you realise you have gone over your overdraft this month?"
You: "buuuraaaaaab"

Annoying sales people that call you at 9 in the evening to offer the latest and greatest mobile phone package: "Do you know I can save you £15.32 in one month?"
You: "garrrrrrrrrrab"

Anyway, Momma's been so impressed with my bubble blowing, that she bought some and blew them at me. I love looking at them and especially like it when they land in my head. Not too sure when they land in my eye though. I guess, at least my eye gets washed.

Lately, I've felt the sudden urge to put everything in my mouth. My Momma says I'm "teething", but I haven't a clue what she's on about. I haven't got teeth and I don't choose to have them, thank-you-very-much! My parents have bought new things that I'm "allowed" to put in my mouth. Quite frankly they're rubbish. I much prefer to put a stuffed animal/Daddies shirt/books in my mouth. In fact Momma tried to put a pacifier/dummy/soother (depending on where you come from) in my mouth. I got so mad I took it out with my hand and put it in her mouth! See if she likes it! Huh!

Anyway, I think it's time for my Momma's bedtime, so that means that I have to go to bed too.

Will write more soon I promise.

Love

Benjamin
Garrrrrab
x

The Weight is over....geddit....wait...weight ...I'm such a funny baby...

A day at the peaceful baby clinic....I think not! Chaos reigned supreme at St Marks Medical centre. You adults really do not have your stuff together do you? After arriving at 1pm, I was eventually weighed at around 1.45pm and then had to wait a further 45 minutes for the pleasure of getting jabbed in the leg by some nurse (who was quite nice really) THREE times. I really think it's time that Babies took over the world and you adults can obey our every word. Sigh. Sigh again. Can you believe that we were 4th in line? Anyway Momma and Daddy said that we don't have to go back there ever again if we don't want to. That is unless I catch a nasty bug, which I really do not plan to do.

Then, if that was not traumatic enough, those parents of mine took me down to the town to...(sigh)...shop. I hate shopping. How many times do I have to say it? So once again I made my thoughts very clear to my dear parents, but I am beginning to realise that screaming is not really getting through to them. I have considered speaking to them, but once they realise I'm fluent in 7 different languages including Cantonese, they'll be calling the tabloid newspapers and I really can't deal with paparazzi right now.

But, back to the point. My weight. Did you know it's quite rude to ask a person his weight, but because it's only you guys, and I'm sure I have your complete confidence, I will tell you that I'm a rather skinny (cough cough) 16lb 11oz (which is 7.6kg for all the metric addicts) And also a tall 64.5cm. For all you non Europeans out there, that's 2ft and 1.2 inches. It's official. I am big (but mpst of my weight is due to large brain mass).

Well have to sleep off these injections. More soon.

Take care of each other, and who knows, I may see you soon.

Love

Benjamin
xx

I'm Back!

Here I am again, the baby wot blogs...

My Auntie Sue has now gone home. It's been a lonely week. My parents are, well, I guess they're OK, but not as much fun as my Auntie. For example, my parent's don't feed me lemons.

We got up to lots of mischief, my Auntie and I. We frolicked in the Royal parks, had a picnic next to the Queen's house (it's a bit too big for one lady if you ask me: they should move all the Myzers, Tangs and add-ons in there instead. I think I'd take the ballroom as my bedroom!), and strolled through Notting Hill (didn't see Hugh Grant but that's a good thing as I'm a bit frightened of people with really floppy hair). I'm sad she's gone. She was the only person that was able to speak my language round here. Oh well, I guess my parents have time to learn.

Whilst Auntie Sue was here, we received a package from....now let me get this right...my 2nd cousin, but no removals... I got some spanking new clothes (one of my new t-shirts says "ladies man", how true, sigh). She got the size just right too: 12 months. What d'ya mean I'm only 3 months old? I have you know, my appetite is healthy, not greedy! Thank you 2nd cousin Janey! I'm gonna send you some pictures of how handsome I look (and I really do look very handsome!)


I had a good Easter. I got lots and lots of chocolate eggs. Sadly I'm unable to consume them as at the time I was not eating solids. BUT, now AFTER Easter, when the chocolate seems to have disappeared (in Momma somewhere I think), those parents have decided to start me on solids. But no roasted lamb, Italian pizzas or fois gras....RICE. Yep that's it.RICE. That's not rice with a delicious Peking duck and sweet and sour pork balls, not even paella. Just plain, boring rice. I informed my parents of my dislike of this menu by spitting out the first few mouthfuls all over Momma's new shirt. But then after a while I thought, well, I guess it's food...so down the hatch it went. I overheard Momma talking to Daddy this week and apparently the menu will extend to "mushed carrots" next week. If there's anyone reading this, I think you'd better call the child protection agency....I don't think these parents have a clue what they're doing. I should definately be on beef chili at the age of almost 4 months.

Anyway, after my Auntie left, Momma decided that I needed a rest. Actually I think she was the one who needed the rest, she just didn't want to admit it. So we've had a lazy week of lying around, eating, more lying around and a lot more eating. On Saturday, I experienced the great British sunshine (apparently in England they get one day of sunshine per year and Saturday was it). Around here, people get a little strange when the sun comes out. It's really not overly hot yet the men seem to don as little clothing as possible and by the end of the day they look like lobsters as they seem to turn red. The women also don as little as possible and wear gigantic dark glasses that take over their face. I've seen breakfast at Tiffany's; I know how dark glasses should be worn. So Momma dragged me to North London to a barbecue with some of her old friends she hasn't seen for 10 years (that was before I was born you know). There were lots of ladies there and I managed to test my new t-shirt out...and boy did it work. I also got to see Mr David Thorpe (he's practically famous in North London). I like him lots as he pulls the most stupidest of faces! ("Most stupidest"? that's not too grammatically correct is it? Hey, what the heck, I'm a baby, it's a miracle I can touch type!)

Well that's about it for today. I'm going to go to sleep in my new bed tonight (or as I call it "the prison cell" as there are many bars. Momma says they are to keep me safe as they keep out all the nasties, but I really know it's to stop me from causing mischief in the night, and calling Dominoes for a delivery). Hope everyone is well. I miss you all and can't wait to give y'all some sloppy kisses.

Love

Benjamin

xx

PS I'm getting weighed tomorrow...I'll keep you posted!

Crikey! I've been a bit busy.

Hi you good people. I'm sorry for my lack of correspondance. I've been having too much fun with my Auntie Sue. Momma says that I'm going to be one spoilt baby soon as I've smack bang in the middle of everyone's attention for nearly a week. Ha! I've got them all right where I want them.

Auntie Sue and I are having such a laugh! She's on MY wave length. She keeps telling the Parents that I need more snacks! Oh goody! She makes them feel like they're starving me so this week, I've been WELL FED!! So much so that I seem to be heading towards the 16 lb mark.

Anyway, we've been getting out, enjoying the English spring time. I've been showing Auntie Sue all my favourite haunts, such as Borough Market, the George pub at London Bridge, Greenwich....etc etc. I even took her to Soho, the seedy part of London. We were going to go into some of these seedy clubs tucked away down allyways, but my Momma said I couldn't. Spoilsport! Every time we go out, she has to spend the next day resting. I have no idea why. from the way she moans, it's almost as if she's carrying an extra 16 pounds when she's out and about. She should stop eating animal crackers then.

It was my Momma's birthday on monday. I think she was about 462 or there abouts. She got nearly as many presents as I did. I gave her the best present though. I dribbled and spit up on her new shirt. But I did give her a cuddle afterwards.

Anyway, I have to pretend I'm in bed asleep. Auntie Sue and Daddy have gone on a Jack the Ripper walk and they're going to be home soon. I'm going to jump out at them and scare them.

Love

Benjamin

xx

Can't... contain....excitement

oOOOooooOOoooooooOO she's coming she's coming she's coming.......! My Auntie Sue is coming!!

FINALLY, someone decent to talk to. Boy o boy. I mean, I love my Momma and Daddy so much but they don't spoil me often enough. Take today for example, I'm so excited as I'm going to see my Aunt Sue who is at this moment in this very country, and what does Momma do? Take me shopping.

I HATE SHOPPING!

So I let her know.


And I let the rest of the shop know too!

Now I have to nap. NAP? At a time like this? This is like telling a child to go to bed at 6pm on Christmas eve. Parents, they just don't understand.

I've been doing some more drawing today. My Momma is so thrilled by it all (believe me it really doesn't take much). She bought me some special pens. I told her that is says "not suitable for under 36 months" on the packet, but she said, "Benjamin, if you can read warning signs on boxes then you can use pens (under triple adult supervision, without lids, non toxic ink and in your oldest clothes)". I'm quite the little picasso!

Ok, gotta go and nap. Sigh.

More later.

Love

Benjamin
x

I'm a little star...

Well I am. Today I found out that stars, you know the things that go twinkle twinkle in the night sky are actually gigantic balls of gas. Well... so am I! I tell you, I can really wake myself up with my own, er.... release processes. Trouble is, I wouldn't really care, but Auntie Sue is coming tomorrow and I'm a little embarassed as I want to share my room with her. Has anyone got any tips? My Momma said maybe I should eat more slowly, but, I have to gulp it down whilst it's free. Apparently there'll come a time in my life when I'll have to pay for my own food. I know, shocking isn't it. So I think I better get as much in me as possible, and quickly too.

Am very excited though as I'm going to be cuddled and looked after by my Auntie Sue. My parents are ...well....they're ok but it's nice to have a change.

Gotta get some beauty rest now so I look sharp for my Auntie.

Love

Benjamin

xx

PS The parents STILL haven't got my bed ready. I'm going to be sleeping in THEIR bed soon if they're not careful.

How many idiots does it take to put a cot together?

OK,

Today was going swimmingly: I had been fed, I was wearing a spunky new outfit (size 6-9 months), I was looking good, feeling good...and then all of a sudden I witnessed a situation almost worthy of a British situation comedy slot on BBC1. Well it would have been comical, IF the stars of the show weren't my PARENTS. How embarrassing.

We were given a lovely cot by a neighbour of Grammy and Grandpapas. Simple, right? NO! The afternoon went like this (I didn't miss a moment of this action as I sat on the futon in my room quietly observing this spectacle). Daddy looks scientifically at all the pieces of the cot and then starts screwing the sides together. Momma, watches Daddy screwing the sides together, whilst barking instructions at him. Daddy sighs a bit. Momma sighs some more. All the sides are screwed together except one. It doesn't quite fit. There aren't enough holes for the screws that are left. Then there is as Daddy manages to find some holes, but the parents can't figure out how to work the sliding side of the cot. Then Momma has a brain wave, as if she recalls a key learning objective from a Craft Design and Technology class she took at her secondary comprehensive school, and figures something out. So they try and put it together. But then they have to unscrew all the side of the cot to fit the side they couldn't fit in before. Lost? Think about how I felt.

And now, I still haven't got a bed to sleep in as my cot is still in pieces. Honestly, if I had control over my arms, I'd just get it done myself. However, I may call in the calvery...Grandpapa...He'll get it done in no time I'm sure, although I think he may have to use sellotape to stick the sides together. He's very good with sellotape.

Anyway, that took up MOST of the day. Sigh. I did do some writing today and picked up a pen for the first time and wrote something down on paper (in code of course - my parents think it's scribble but they've stuck in on the fridge nevertheless).

I'm a bit pooped now. I need to go and dream about eating monsters made from cheesecake. I'd have better dreams if I had a better bed!!

Will write more soon

Love

Benjamin
x

Spring has sprung

Well, I'm back and ready for this season change. Momma, Daddy and I sorted out my summer wardrobe and boy am I one fashionable baby. Momma did a lot of "tsking" though as the "doesn't fit anymore" pile seems to have grown considerably.

It's been an exciting weekend. On Saturday I went to see Grandpapa and Grammy. I haven't seen Grandpapa since I was really really tiny (interuption from Momma: Benjamin, you have never been really really tiny). Ok since I was a little bit small but not really small. He's a funny man. He really made me giggle. And he also made me burp. He's been teaching me songs in Chinese about Opium smoking. It may seem like inappropriate material for an infant but Momma says it's helpful to know about these kind of things as it builds up my character.

I'm on a new diet too. I'm getting extra special milk now made from secret magical formulas. This is because my Momma is finding it quite hard to make enough milk (interuption from Momma: no Benjamin, it's because you eat a lot) Oh. But anyway, it tastes nice and it's fun to gulp down. I've noticed that I'm a little more gassy though. But that's ok. I'm sure Momma and Daddy don't mind. I have noticed that we keep having to buy air freshner though.

Daddy and I spent most of the day together today. Momma went down to the town to do some shopping. I hate shopping. It's so boring. When we go together, I make my feelings known loud and clear. I think that's why Momma didn't take me today. She brought me back a special yellow blanket with satin ends. I love pulling it up to my face. I think I'll let her go shopping again soon so she can bring me back more presents. She brought Daddy some presents too. Some corriander and chillies. Uh oh, I think this means they're making extra hot salsa. Well, it'd save them a fortune in diapers if they just stop making it! Sigh!

Anyway, did I tell you my Auntie Sue is coming? I'm saving my special smiles up for her, so she'd better get here soon. Daddy says she's going to be sleeping in MY room. I hope she doesn't snore. No wait, I'm the one who snores. I hope she brings ear plugs. Still, we can have secret pyjama parties when the parents go to bed and eat white chocolate buttons and jelly tots. Hee hee.

OK, I have to go. Apparently, the clocks went forward yesterday. That means, dinner time is different, bed time is different..etc etc... But since I'm a baby, I can't yet tell the time, so therefore I can still wake up when I want too! HA!

Love you all

Benjamin
x

MySpace has eviled me!

Ok, as some of you may be aware, MySpace has done my good self some wrong doing. As a very small baby, I'm terribly hurt and distraught by this evil act again baby humanity. Well I was until I got a bit distracted by my the extra ordinary toy that my grandpapa brought back from Busch Gardens in Florida, and it didn't feel as bad. But anyway, the silly MySpace people deleted my profile as I was UNDERAGE. In other words, the MySpace cretins have either:

1. realised that I'm a super smart 3 month old baby who can type, write blogs and upload photos, and are trying to protect me from men in white coats sent from secret government official to perform experiments on my multi-intelligences, (unlikely).

2. not been able to put 2 and 2 together to realise that it is unlikely that babies can type, write blogs and upload photos, and have deleted my profile because they are stupid, (likely).

Anyway, I'm back, bigger and better than before and this time...it's from the beginning.....

Love Benjamin
xx